Just Desserts
by Swagman
Summary: Someone sends Jonas an Easter present with unfortunate results. Warning: Deathfic


Just Desserts  
or  
Chocolate Easter Plot Bunny  
  
Cheyenne Mountain:  
  
A horrified scream echoed through the halls, shattering the peace of the early morning. A janitor, ashen with shock, staggered out of Jonas Quinn's office. Alarmed by the noise, several Airmen quickly gathered in the hallway outside of the office. Bravely, two men burst into the room. Gasping at the horrible sight within, they quickly backed out into the corridor.  
  
Jack O'Neill, who had been summoned by base security, entered the office. Scanning the room, he discovered the source of the horror. Made of sterner stuff than the average airman, he barely flinched at the gruesome sight at his feet. There, sprawled on the floor, lay the mortal remains of Jonas Quinn. Strangely, Quinn's hand was clutching what appeared to be a large chocolate rabbit ear.  
  
Keenly observant as usual, Jack noticed an Easter basket on Quinn's desk. Nestled in the basket were the remnants of a giant chocolate Easter bunny, a couple of jelly beans, and an unopened box of marshmallow peeps.  
  
**********************  
  
Jonas Quinn's Office - Several Hours Later:  
  
The remaining members of SG1, accompanied by General Hammond, gathered in Jonas Quinn's office, curious to learn what had befallen their erstwhile comrade.  
  
"I've called you all here to inform you of the cause of death," Dr. Fraiser said. "According to the autopsy, Jonas Quinn died from acute sugar poisoning."  
  
"You mean?" Jack said.  
  
"His death was a result of consuming a truly lethal amount of sweets," Dr. Fraiser said.  
  
"You mean he kicked the bucket because he stuffed his pie hole with too many goodies?" Jack asked.  
  
"It's a very rare occurrence, Colonel, but it's not unknown in medical literature," Dr. Fraiser said.  
  
"Death by chocolate?" Jack asked, still incredulous.  
  
"Jonas Quinn could have survived eating the chocolate alone, or even the chocolate and jelly beans together, but combined with the peeps, his system was overwhelmed," Dr. Fraiser said.   
  
"Ew," Jack said, resolving to cut back on the Snickers bars in the future.  
  
"He must have gorged himself all night long; under those circumstances death was inevitable," Dr. Fraiser said, shaking her head.  
  
"He shoulda stuck to fruit," Jack said. "The worst thing that could have happened to him would have been a case of the trots."  
  
"May I inquire as to the nature of these 'peeps'," Teal'c asked. "They sound a most formidable foodstuff."  
  
"Peeps, T. Little marshmallow chicks or bunnies, coated in sugar. Man, I used to love those things when I was a kid," Jack said, reminiscing happily.   
  
"My mother made me up a basket every year. It was our family tradition. I used to make baskets for friends too," Sam said, unaware of the suspicious looks the others were giving her.  
  
Deciding to cheer his 2IC up, Jack said, "Don't beat yourself up, Carter. You were just trying to make the guy feel welcome. There's no way you coulda known Jonas was gonna scarf down four pounds of chocolate, a three pound bag of jelly beans and five boxes of peeps in one sitting," as he threw his arm around Sam's shoulder and gave her a consoling pat on the back.  
  
"Indeed, MajorCarter. It was Quinn's own gluttony that condemned him to such an ignominious end," Teal'c said, unable to conceal his disgust at the unappetizing sight of partially chewed jelly beans that had been spat onto the carpet, the couch smeared with chocolate and the empty peep wrappers littering the office.   
  
"What!" Sam yelled. "Don't look at me. I didn't give him that Easter basket."  
  
**********************  
  
Later that day, Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill, Dr. Janet Fraiser and Teal'c joined General Hammond in his office. After taking seats, they faced the General, each wondering what the meeting was about.  
  
General Hammond addressed the assembled group. "I've had the security camera tapes check and double checked. No one carrying anything remotely resembling an Easter Basket went into Quinn's office."  
  
"So?" Jack said, baffled.  
  
"Colonel, a member of the SGC is dead, possibly killed by an unknown perpetrator," General Hammond said. "People, I'm afraid this situation merits an official investigation. Until we get to the bottom of this mystery, all downtime is canceled and no one is to leave the SGC."  
  
"Aw, George, this isn't fair. I've got tickets to the game tonight," Jack whined. "Come on, you heard what Doc said, Quinn croaked from eating too much candy. Nobody forced him to make a pig of himself. It's not like he was murdered or anything."   
  
"Indeed, General. It was JonasQuinn's own weakness and lack of self-restraint that led to his doom," Teal'c added.  
  
"Teal'c is right, General. There was no sign that Quinn was forced to ingest anything against his will," Dr. Fraiser said.  
  
"Please, General," Sam said, batting her eyes at Hammond. "I'm taking a knitting class and I don't want to be late."  
  
"Okay, you convinced me," General Hammond said. "We'll chalk it up to an accident, and get back to business as usual. In fact, I think all of you could use an extra day of downtime."   
  
The five left Hammond's office and headed to the elevators. Spotting a passing Airman, the General called out, "get someone to clean up the mess in Quinn's office, pronto."  
  
Sam was still puzzled about one thing. "But where did the basket come from? And why didn't the security cameras record anything? It's as if it appeared by magic," she asked.  
  
"Major, it's something we'll probably never know," General Hammond said.  
  
At that moment, a gust of wind blew through the air vents; a glowing shape appeared, gradually coalescing into a familiar, much-loved figure.  
  
"Daniel," Sam cried.  
  
"DanielJackson," Teal'c said, breaking into a broad smile.  
  
"Spacemonkey," Jack said, pulling Daniel into a hug.  
  
"Dr. Jackson, it's good to see you again," General Hammond said. "I presume you're staying?"  
  
"Uh yes, if it's all right with you guys," Daniel said hesitantly. "It is okay, isn't it? I mean, I don't want to impose . . ." he said, his voice trailing off, his posture revealing his uncertainty.  
  
"Danny, don't be ridiculous. Of course it's okay," Jack said, hugging Daniel again.  
  
"Indeed, it is most fortuitous that you have returned at this time, DanielJackson. SG1 has need of your expertise," Teal'c said.  
  
"Where is Jonas?" Daniel said, looked around the corridor.   
  
"Quinn isn't here right now," General Hammond said.  
  
Daniel cleared his throat nervously. "I wasn't sure how Jonas would take my coming back to the SGC, so I thought I'd give him a present. I know how much he loves food, so I materialized an Easter basket. I can do that, you know," Daniel said proudly.   
  
"You gave him that Easter basket?" Jack asked.   
  
"Yes, I thought that since I was returning and probably getting my old job back, I'd give him a gift, sort of a peace offering. Something to show that there were no hard feelings about him taking over my office, reading my private journals, handling my tools, and using my wedding bowl to store grapes," Daniel said, his voice betraying a hint of irritation. "I thought about whipping up a fruit basket, but since it's so close to Easter, I figured a chocolate bunny, jelly beans and some peeps would be nice. He did get it, didn't he?"  
  
"Oh, he got it all right," Sam said. "In fact you could say he got his 'just desserts'".   
  
The effect on her companions was immediate. General Hammond snorted helplessly, while Dr. Fraiser giggled uncontrollably. Even the normally stoic Jaffa let out a peal of hearty laughter. O'Neill practically collapsed as tears streamed down his face. After he was able to speak, he said, "good one, Carter."   
  
"What's going on?" Daniel asked, his brow creased with a puzzled frown.  
  
"Nothing, Dannyboy, nothing at all. Don't worry about Quinn, he's in a much better place right now," Jack said, pulling Daniel into yet another hug. 'Don't tell him,' Jack mouthed to his companions. They nodded in agreement.   
  
"Now that we've come full circle, let's all go back to my place and celebrate," Jack said.   
  
"Sounds like a good plan to me," General Hammond said.  
  
As the happy group headed for the surface, five of the six couldn't help but snicker silently to themselves, 'just desserts' they thought, 'just desserts'.  
  
The End 


End file.
